I feel the need, as I often do, to soften my opinions with a few nice disclaimers before I begin: Beyonce is an incredibly talented and beautiful woman, and I'm sure she has a lot of other wonderful characteristics that I could point out if I knew her better.
But I strongly disapprove of her Super Bowl performance. And it has saddened me to see how many women raved about it. I wish they could see what I see.
Today I came across this article on Facebook entitled "A Dance of Power, Not Sex". Just in case you don't want to read it, it talks about the lack of male influence in Beyonce's show, both on the level of the dancers as well as on the level of production. Which is a great point......I guess? Score one for Beyonce that she didn't have half naked men grinding up against her in her show. But the article also claims that this is what normal people saw from that show, and that anyone who noticed the super skimpy clothing and provocative movements only noticed that because they had a dirty mind to begin with. I find that insulting. So the only reason I am an advocate for modesty and have such concern for the young women of America is because I have a dirty mind? I think not.
Do you think the young girls of America saw power and female independence? I doubt it. Or even if they did, I think they could hardly escape another message, that is far too frequent already: that showing more skin goes hand in hand with being more popular and even more successful. And I don't think they saw that because they are bad people, I think they saw that because society has trained them to see that.
Then there's the issue of objectifying women. The article above claims that those of us with dirty minds saw too much sexiness because we objectify women. Immodesty inevitably leads to objectifying women. Don't believe me? Check out this article from cracked.com that lists several ways that dressing sexy degrades women, one of which is that even women objectify women. The "Defiant Dance" article even talked about examples of women objectifying Beyonce, although the article missed the point that this was a bad thing. It quoted women's reaction to the half-time show along the lines of "I want her figure". This kills me. I wish so terribly that America had more truly strong and independent female role models that could inspire us to greater goals than merely having a body different from the one we already have. We have far too many "role models" that do that to us already.
And, maybe more importantly, the world needs more strong women like my mom, who are willing to speak out against the inappropriate whenever it rears its ugly head.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Dr. Phil's "slut shaming": my two cents
I watched Dr. Phil at the gym today, which was a mistake. It just got me all riled up with opinions and feelings and things, but no way to tell the guests on his show what I thought of their arguments. It made it worse that today's topic is something that I feel so strongly about. So here are my two cents about Dr. Phil's show about "slut shaming".
Let me be clear from the beginning that being mean to people is never OK. One of my favorite Bible stories is of Jesus forgiving the adulteress, and he never once called her a slut. That being said....
Dr. Phil asked his guest "slut shamer" a couple of questions, the answer to which seemed so obvious that the slut shamer was left speechless. For example, "Doesn't she have the right to decide how she's going to dress?" The poor guy couldn't say yes, because that would be admitting that he's wrong, but he couldn't say no or they'd burn him at the stake then and there.
Well, since Dr. Phil and his mostly female audience can't burn me, so I'll say it. No. She absolutely doesn't have that right. If I decide I'm sick of clothes and I go to the grocery store naked as a jay bird, I'd get arrested for "indecent exposure". So can I wear my most revealing lingerie to the grocery store? No. So I only have the right to wear whatever I want, so long as society accepts it.
Then Dr. Phil asked the slut shamer "So who gets to decide what she can and can't wear? You?" Faced with the same double edged sword dilemma as the previous question, he again stumbled for something to say. But me, I'll say it. Yes, he absolutely does have the right to tell her what is OK and what is not OK to wear.
Well, who decided that being naked in the grocery store was indecent? The cop arresting me? No, society. Society decided that that's not OK. Society doesn't give me the right to run around naked. But if society makes the rules, then the slut shamer has as much right to dictate what is appropriate or not as the scantily clad woman on the show does, because they are both members of society. In fact, I'd go so far as to say he has a responsibility to take a stand for modesty (thought maybe in a nicer way). If members of society who don't approve of sluttiness keep their mouths shut to escape being labeled as judgmental or closed minded or oppressive, then they will end up living in a society where it is OK to go to the grocery store in sexy lingerie. Heck, it's already OK and even expected to wear it to Halloween parties.
One of the guests had the argument that since men sleeping around is often applauded, women shouldn't be punished for the same activity by being called sluts or whores. Well......OK.......I see where you're coming from. And I agree that it's not strictly fair, and again I'm against being mean. but if you're searching for gender equality, then adopting men's weaknesses is a stupid way of doing it, and whining that they get to make poor decisions without consequences so you should be able to too is a childish way of doing it. And if men are hormone driven and endlessly promiscuous as you say, then dressing up like sex dolls and advertising that you can be exactly what they want you to be--well I don't think that accomplishes your purposes either.
Of course, you can't have a show on sluttiness without someone who, by the standards of the slut shamer, is a slut, right? Well, let's just say she looked the part. Part of her intro was a montage of photos of her, apparently that she'd posted to the internet, that were so provocative and revealing that they had to be blurred to save the blushing and modest face of daytime television (*cough*). And then she proceeded to get all butt-hurt that the slut shamer called her a slut. Where do I even start?
For one thing, if I go around always wearing black with black makeup and metal spikes adorning all my things and go to vampire clubs, I can't get my panties in a bunch if someone calls me goth. If I insist on always having Channel and Gucci and Prada and Armani things, I can't go crying to mommy that someone called me rich at school.
For another thing, by getting offended because people regularly call you a slut, you are admitting that being a slut is a bad thing, or it wouldn't be an insult. But you keep on acting like a slut. So either clean up your act or stop complaining that people see you for what you publish yourself to be.
Then, right before my workout was done and I had to leave, a seeming voice of reason came. A lady who, like me, didn't want to persecute people who exhibit slutty behavior (also known as sluts), but was an advocate for modesty. I was able to hear one great, wonderful, faith-in-humanity-restoring point from her. What about young girls? What are slutty women teaching them? That in order to be attractive to men you have to wear lingerie to the grocery store? That the only really redeeming or attractive quality a woman can have is her body? That you're only attractive if you can be sexier and more provocative than the next girl? And, let's add the poor young boys. How are they supposed to grow up respecting women if all the girls they know are posting provocative pictures of themselves, like that's all their good for? How is anyone supposed to grow up to have functional and healthy relationships?
So, dear women of the world, dress modestly. Dress like you respect yourself and care about the well being of future generations. Stop dressing like showing more skin is the only way to get people to like you.. It just makes you look desperate anyway.
Let me be clear from the beginning that being mean to people is never OK. One of my favorite Bible stories is of Jesus forgiving the adulteress, and he never once called her a slut. That being said....
Dr. Phil asked his guest "slut shamer" a couple of questions, the answer to which seemed so obvious that the slut shamer was left speechless. For example, "Doesn't she have the right to decide how she's going to dress?" The poor guy couldn't say yes, because that would be admitting that he's wrong, but he couldn't say no or they'd burn him at the stake then and there.
Well, since Dr. Phil and his mostly female audience can't burn me, so I'll say it. No. She absolutely doesn't have that right. If I decide I'm sick of clothes and I go to the grocery store naked as a jay bird, I'd get arrested for "indecent exposure". So can I wear my most revealing lingerie to the grocery store? No. So I only have the right to wear whatever I want, so long as society accepts it.
Then Dr. Phil asked the slut shamer "So who gets to decide what she can and can't wear? You?" Faced with the same double edged sword dilemma as the previous question, he again stumbled for something to say. But me, I'll say it. Yes, he absolutely does have the right to tell her what is OK and what is not OK to wear.
Well, who decided that being naked in the grocery store was indecent? The cop arresting me? No, society. Society decided that that's not OK. Society doesn't give me the right to run around naked. But if society makes the rules, then the slut shamer has as much right to dictate what is appropriate or not as the scantily clad woman on the show does, because they are both members of society. In fact, I'd go so far as to say he has a responsibility to take a stand for modesty (thought maybe in a nicer way). If members of society who don't approve of sluttiness keep their mouths shut to escape being labeled as judgmental or closed minded or oppressive, then they will end up living in a society where it is OK to go to the grocery store in sexy lingerie. Heck, it's already OK and even expected to wear it to Halloween parties.
One of the guests had the argument that since men sleeping around is often applauded, women shouldn't be punished for the same activity by being called sluts or whores. Well......OK.......I see where you're coming from. And I agree that it's not strictly fair, and again I'm against being mean. but if you're searching for gender equality, then adopting men's weaknesses is a stupid way of doing it, and whining that they get to make poor decisions without consequences so you should be able to too is a childish way of doing it. And if men are hormone driven and endlessly promiscuous as you say, then dressing up like sex dolls and advertising that you can be exactly what they want you to be--well I don't think that accomplishes your purposes either.
Of course, you can't have a show on sluttiness without someone who, by the standards of the slut shamer, is a slut, right? Well, let's just say she looked the part. Part of her intro was a montage of photos of her, apparently that she'd posted to the internet, that were so provocative and revealing that they had to be blurred to save the blushing and modest face of daytime television (*cough*). And then she proceeded to get all butt-hurt that the slut shamer called her a slut. Where do I even start?
For one thing, if I go around always wearing black with black makeup and metal spikes adorning all my things and go to vampire clubs, I can't get my panties in a bunch if someone calls me goth. If I insist on always having Channel and Gucci and Prada and Armani things, I can't go crying to mommy that someone called me rich at school.
For another thing, by getting offended because people regularly call you a slut, you are admitting that being a slut is a bad thing, or it wouldn't be an insult. But you keep on acting like a slut. So either clean up your act or stop complaining that people see you for what you publish yourself to be.
Then, right before my workout was done and I had to leave, a seeming voice of reason came. A lady who, like me, didn't want to persecute people who exhibit slutty behavior (also known as sluts), but was an advocate for modesty. I was able to hear one great, wonderful, faith-in-humanity-restoring point from her. What about young girls? What are slutty women teaching them? That in order to be attractive to men you have to wear lingerie to the grocery store? That the only really redeeming or attractive quality a woman can have is her body? That you're only attractive if you can be sexier and more provocative than the next girl? And, let's add the poor young boys. How are they supposed to grow up respecting women if all the girls they know are posting provocative pictures of themselves, like that's all their good for? How is anyone supposed to grow up to have functional and healthy relationships?
So, dear women of the world, dress modestly. Dress like you respect yourself and care about the well being of future generations. Stop dressing like showing more skin is the only way to get people to like you.. It just makes you look desperate anyway.
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